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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26117944">Letters from Bucky</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BayleyWinchester/pseuds/BayleyWinchester'>BayleyWinchester</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, Fix-It, Fluff, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:48:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26117944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BayleyWinchester/pseuds/BayleyWinchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers walked into his apartment one afternoon to find a letter sitting on his kitchen bench. This was odd seeing as it hadn't been there when he had left his apartment. It was clearly a piece of paper that had been torn out of a notebook, one side jagged and ripped.</p><p>It was the best letter he had ever received. Bucky was finally, finally, back.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Steve,</em><br/>I would like to start by apologizing for a) almost killing you and b) breaking into your house today. You can say the first one wasn’t completely my fault. The second one definitely is. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p>A series of letters left in different locations around Steve's apartments detailing the story of Bucky coming back to himself and Steve.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is a series of letters. There are only letters. </p><p>It is a slow burn between the two of them. But there is more to their backstory. </p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steve, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would like to start by apologizing for a) almost killing you and b) breaking into your house today. You can say the first one wasn’t completely my fault. The second one definitely is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’m also sorry for stealing your yoghurt. It's very nice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I should probably apologise for the whole ‘almost killing you and then taking off after saving you but leaving you on the side of the river once I knew you weren’t dead’ as well. The last three months have been very confusing for me and I felt like I needed some time away to try and understand. After about a week of hiding I was taken again, did you know about that? It wasn’t great but I got out and I’m okay now. The last two and a half months I’ve tried to understand who I am again. It’s a long and tiring process. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But I guess it’s important? I would assume so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is what I’ve found so far: I am a person (with a robot arm), I am very old (not sure exact details yet), I dislike my old handlers (I really don’t like them) and we were (are?) (best?)friends. Oh, I also found that I enjoy yoghurt (again, sorry for stealing yours). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don't know what you’re going to do with this letter. But if you reply, and want me to read it, leave it in an envelope on your window seal in your bathroom. Or kitchen. Bathroom is easier to get to though. I should be in New York for another week at least. I’ll respect your wishes if the letter tells me to fuck off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever and always, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>
    <strike>Hi. Hello. I don’t know how to start this.</strike>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bucky, hi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You don’t have to apologize for anything and you are more than welcome to break into my house at any time. I really do not mind if you do. The code is 1917, you don’t have to break the alarm each time. 1917 is your birth year, so now you know some more details. It’s 2014 so you’re 97. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I would definitely say that you’re not to blame for the brainwashed assassination attempt. I would hope that you say the same. You’re not at fault for anything that happened during your time held by Hydra or anyone else. We’re still not exactly sure of who had you at what time, Natasha (the Black Widow, I think you know her but she’s not exactly one to share her stories) and I are currently looking into it. If you want me to stop say so and we will. I can understand if you don’t want us knowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But yes, you are not to blame for any of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. I did not know you had been taken again. Are you safe now? Are you hurt at all? Please tell me you got care for any injuries? I know you’re probably not used to it but please take care of yourself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My yoghurt is very nice, I get it at a local farmers market that’s held on Saturday’s. The lady who makes it is very sweet but keeps trying to get me to marry her daughter. Anyway, if you’re ever in the house you’re welcome to take it. Or anything else. What’s mine is yours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I am glad that you’re taking the time to learn more about yourself. I would also assume that knowing who you are is important. I was talking to Nat about this and she agrees that the first thing you can do to start getting better is finding your identity again. If you need help with anything pre-war, you can ask me. We were pretty much inseparable growing up. I have plenty of stories that I can share. But don’t feel like you need to be Bucky from before after all this. Finding your identity can mean finding a new one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What you’ve discovered is good. I’m happy for you. I can confirm that you’re a person (with a metal arm) and that your handlers were the worst. As I said before, what happened to you was not your fault and you had no control over the situation. This is the fault of your handlers. I dislike them as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You are also pretty old now but so am I so I can’t say much. Physically I don’t know, seeing as how you were not always frozen like me. But legally (we’re working on bringing you back legally, again we can stop that if you want us to) you’re 97 and I’m 96. And yes, we were best friends. For a long time we were each other’s only friends. I’ve also been telling people that you’re my best friend ever since I woke up so if you want to continue that I would be very pleased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This letter will be in an envelope outside my bathroom. Which you already know because you’re reading it. I don’t know how you’re managing to get to the bathroom window and it is definitely not the easiest window to get to but this letter will be there. Please feel free to reply, I want to continue talking to you. If we can continue with the letters I can put them in the mailbox? Also feel free to come and talk to me at any time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Take this letter as a formal request not to fuck off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever and always (do you know why you wrote this? We used to sign our letters off like this when we were young)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Steve, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You talk a lot. I like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thanks for not blaming me for everything. It’s sweet of you. Wrong but sweet. I’m trained in medical practice. Everything that’s happened to me I can handle. I am not badly injured anymore and I am safe. As safe as I can be. I’m still a wanted ex-Hydra assassin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That yoghurt was really good. You should marry that ladies daughter so that you can have a large supply and give me a lot. I think that would be the smart thing to do. Thanks for stocking the fridge. My new favourite flavour is the blueberry one. Don’t feel like you need to run out and buy a lot of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I knew it. You’re a sap. Setting your alarm code to the year I was born. You should set it to the year we both ‘died’ that would be funny. I don’t know what year that was? ‘45?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, I know Natasha. I shot her once. Can you tell her that I’m sorry? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anyway, I’m glad that you still want to be my friend (even though I tried to kill you a few times). I don’t have a lot of memories but I remember you and that we were very close. I can’t figure out details yet but I think I remember the feeling of being happy with you. I do not want to see you just yet. I need to get a haircut first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before I get a haircut I need to go to Europe. I used your laptop to book my flights but they’re not under your name. I’m not sure about a lot of things (frozen yoghurt?) but I do know that you can’t do that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t leave a letter out for me. When I get back I’ll leave you one and then you can reply if you want to. You’ll know I’m back because I’ll leave the letter on your kitchen bench. Don’t worry about me. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever and always (no? I have no idea. It just seemed right. Maybe I know more than I know I know),</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your best friend, James.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve,</p><p>Hi. How are you? I’m sorry that I’ve been gone for so long. Europe is pretty big and the man I was chasing was very fast. It took a lot longer than expected to catch him. Am I getting rusty? Maybe that isn’t a terrible thing. No, it is. I can get rusty once I’m done.</p><p>Done doing what? Well, right now I’m not fully sure. I know that you’re working with some other people (the avengers? I looked into you and I know you’re part of a superhero team, I’ll talk about that later) to stop Hydra which is good. They need to be ended, properly this time, and I don’t think I can do it alone. If you need any help you can ask in the letters and I might be able to give you some information. I knew a lot when I was there. </p><p>I just remembered - look at me go - that you asked permission to find out more about me and also legally bring me back. You got the go-ahead for the first one, but pause the second one. My job is a hell of a lot easier if I’m not actually alive. When I’m ready we can figure out all of that, I don’t wish to stay dead until I’m actually dead, don’t worry. </p><p>Europe was fun, in case you were wondering. I’d been, obviously, but only during the war and then when I was like that. Which you obviously know. I think we were poor, so I doubt we were doing bi-yearly trips to the Greek Islands or Paris. Maybe we can go now or when I’m done.  Have you been for fun? It’s very nice. Turns out I really like coffee, did I like it before I was taken as well? But I’ve found that Italy has very nice coffee. Also, I speak enough Italian to get around. I’m not sure how many languages I speak but I think it’s more than before. </p><p>Anyway. I got to Europe about three days after I dropped my last letter off. I landed in London (which is no longer war-torn) and spent a week and a half trying to find a bunker, but the only clue I had was that it was under a bank and that if you hit a special brick in this particular place it would open. I hit many bricks in many different banks in London. I think the cops were called more than once. Don’t panic, I’m sneaky. I’ve also got the feeling I was evading the cops long before I was a soldier for anyone. </p><p>I found the bunker and then almost got shot because it was not an empty bunker like I was expecting. That was okay though, I have a bulletproof hand and I’m also one of the most highly skilled assassins of all time. Being shot at became a recurring thing, which was frustrating because I felt insulted. Did they think I would be defeated by some crony with a pistol and three days training? </p><p>The bunker was a complete bust aside from a very large stash of money and fake IDs I could use. So not a complete bust I guess.</p><p>After that bunker, I went to Moscow and found the trail of a son of one of my handlers. He was also in Hydra. I wasn’t going after some random civilian. That wouldn’t be nice. That was the man I was chasing. Tom and Jerry, do you remember that show? We saw it just before we left. That was what I was doing. I was the cat and he was the mouse. I don’t remember which is which. </p><p>I’m getting off track. I chased him around Russian and some other countries that are no longer soviet (when did that happen?) and then into Italy and France. Nothing really happened aside from me finding out I enjoy coffee and chocolate and that I am a very good aeroplane pilot (when did that happen?). I also found another man who worked with a handler in Belarus but he was really old and when I broke into his house he just cried. It was very uncomfortable. </p><p>Anyway! I finally got him just outside Paris. I asked him all the questions I had and he answered about two of them. It was very unhelpful, which was a large disappointment seeing as I had just chased him for months when I could have been trading letters with you. I told him as such and he was confused. Apparently you’re not known as ‘Stevie’ among the Hydra agents. They know who Captain America is. Did you know I was almost called Captain Hydra to spite you and America? </p><p>Both of those names are terrible. Winter Soldier is better. Although I am leaning towards James and Steve. </p><p>Speaking of names. The Avengers are a weird thing. Thinking about it, I think that I did know about the group. Perhaps I had forgotten. Anyway, why were you fighting aliens? I know it was actually 60-whatever years but for you, I’d only been dead a few weeks and you were already out there fighting aliens? I spent my entire life trying to get you to stop fighting and that’s what you do? And in that ridiculous costume! I’m surprised you were even allowed the shield! </p><p>Only thing I can think to compare it to is a dancing monkey. </p><p>I’m glad you’ve made friends. That’s nice. Even if they're the weirdest group of people I’ve ever seen. I broke into your friend’s house - the one I almost killed with the wings - and left an apology note when I was in DC before I came back to New York just now. But his house was as weird as he is. Why does your friend not have a secure front door? I explained he should get a better lock in my letter. Did he get it? </p><p>And then there’s Stark, a green monster, an agent with a bow and arrow (the least helpful weapon) and the god Thor?</p><p>Nat is fine. I like her. I also didn’t break into her house because I am a gentleman if she suggests otherwise please correct her for me. </p><p>Oh! Thank you for the yoghurt! I don’t know if it was for me but I took it and am currently eating it right now as I write this letter in your kitchen. My plan was to write the letter before I got here but I ran out of paper and I figured you would have some. I enjoy the blackberry one but not as much as the blueberry. To return the favour I have left you some chocolate from Italy. Technically it was brought with Hydra money but I find that funny. </p><p>Yes, you were right in your last letter. The bathroom window is hard to get to, but that means there is a lesser chance that someone tries to get a letter meant for me. That pleases me.</p><p>I should also let you know that I am currently listening to your music. I’m not sure how to use those small music devices - I do know how to use a phone - so I am very happy to see a record player. I know what that is. It’s sweet that you have one. I put on Bing Crosby, I remembered the name I guess. It sounds like something that I know. Not in my head but in my heart. I enjoy it a lot.</p><p>I also see that you did not change your alarm code to 1945. I tried it. </p><p>Please reply whenever you want. I plan on being in New York for a while. There’s some information I want to track down. But that means I can check in regularly. If you want me to, of course. No letter or a letter simply reading ‘leave me alone’ are hints enough. </p><p>Forever and always (I do like this saying. We had another one, but don’t tell me what it was. I want to remember it),<br/>Your best friend, James.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for the lovely comments! I hope you liked this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve's reply!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James,</p><p>I’m glad you’re back. Every time I left the house I would hope that I would come home to a letter and a lack of yoghurt. I noticed that you listened to my music, it was still on when I came back just now. You did like Bing Crosby and most of the other’s in the box beside the record player. We used to dance around to those songs. If you want I can show you how to play music on your phone? That way you can listen whenever you want. There’s also a bar that only plays music from our time, if you want to go. It’s accurate to the times, I say.</p><p>Were the answers you got helpful at all? I’m sorry that you chased him all that way and didn’t get what you wanted. I know you said not to worry but I’m very good at it, so I will. Did you get shot at all? The idea that it was a recurring theme - even if you are one of the most skilled assassins - is not an idea that I love to entertain. I won’t lie, I was worried the entire you were gone and knowing you got it does not help. At least I know that you’re back in New York now. </p><p>What about the man in Belarus? Is he still alive, if he is I can send agents there to see if he has any information that might help us. If there is someone you want integrated but don’t want to integrate you can tell me and I can sort it out. Hopefully information that helps us helps you as well. Anything you want to know, just ask and we’ll tell you. I’m giving you that clearance.</p><p>Speaking of, thank you for giving permission to keep looking. It’s nice that you’re remembering things, I’m glad. We’ll pause trying to get you back to life legally. I’ve been told that it’s not that hard - I wasn’t involved when they did mine. We’ve just got to prove that you’re you. Don’t worry, I’ll vouch for you.</p><p>I’m happy for you. Remembering things, from before and also from after, is a huge accomplishment. Like I said, whoever you are after this is good, but this is a step in figuring yourself out. Also finding out what you like is another positive. Yes, you absolutely loved coffee before the war. To the point where you stole a bag or two a few times. Chocolate was too expensive to get it a lot but you did enjoy it. </p><p>Thank you, for the Italian chocolate. I’m eating it now and it’s amazing. </p><p>Europe is very nice. I’ve never been for fun but I have spent a day or two at the end of a mission there. London is lovely now that it’s not war torn, and I’m sure you walking around touching bricks in banks wasn’t the weirdest thing happening in the city. I’d be happy to go on holiday there, especially if you come with me. Peggy is very insistent that I go to London again. I have a list of places she wants me to visit there. </p><p>Peggy is very happy that you’re back. She missed us both a lot. I visited her about a week after everything happened in DC and she asked me to tell you to visit her as soon as possible. I feel like there was a threat there, for both of us. She’s at a retirement village in DC if you do want to see her. </p><p>As well as Peggy, Rebecca yelled at me for about three hours once she figured it out. She was always so smart, I swear if she had teamed up with Peggy the war would have been over before it started. No one told her anything, she called me up while I was still in the hospital and before I could say a thing said “is my brother dead?” and that’s when the yelling started. I’ve also been told to tell you to go and see her, and there were definitely multiple threats there. She’s in Chicago with her children now, it’s her ninety-second birthday next week. </p><p>Yes, the Avengers are an odd group of people. But they are nice. I’m closest with Natasha (who said that you would not be able to break into her house no matter what you say) and Sam, the one with wings (who said that he got your letter, and asks that you don’t break into his house again and the disagreed that it was easy to get into his house so both Nat and I broke in to prove him wrong. He got a new door.) over the others. But they are all nice people. </p><p>As always, this letter will be hanging by the bathroom window. Which you, of course, know already. There’s plenty of food in the house which you’re welcome to take, not just the yoghurt. Also if you want to use my laundry or anything then you can. I want you to be comfortable and happy. </p><p>I also noticed that you changed my alarm code to 1945. I’ve changed it back to 1917.</p><p>Forever and always (we do have another saying),<br/>Steve. </p><p>Ps. Captain America is a good name, much better than Captain Hydra. But I must say that I do like Steve and James as well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve,</p><p>Very frustrating that you changed the alarm code back. I switched it back to 1945 again, just so you know. </p><p>The man from Belarus is alive. I was going to, you know, but he kept making me uncomfortable but how much he was crying. He’s also older than us ‘legally’ so he’s not going anywhere. I think he was fused to the chair. He wasn’t helpful at all but there is a man in Northern France that may help you. Johnson Bergus is his name. He’s an asshole, I don’t remember much, but he’s an asshole and was an active agent and fairly high up the American ranks when DC happened. If you want a lead he might be able to help. </p><p>The man that I chased was helpful to a point. I had a vague idea of some things and his answers did help me solidify those thoughts. His safe house was nice, I stayed there for a few days after I got my answers. This old lady who lived next door kept trying to get me to fix her flower beds that hung from her window. I did, I’m a gentleman, and then she gave dinner which was nice. </p><p>If you find anything about me I would like to know. Trying to figure out who I am is like doing a puzzle but with no picture and also half the pieces are missing or from other puzzles. Any extra pieces are helpful. If you don’t mind, I have three questions from before:</p><p>When did I steal coffee? Did I steal anything other than coffee? Where did we live (I think we lived together, if not; where did I live?)? </p><p>Speaking of before, I’ve gone to see my sister. I went there before I came back to New York so I had seen her before your letter. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you. Even though I don’t remember a lot I remember some of my feelings. Rebecca was very happy to see me and I was very happy to see her. Out of everything I have two memories that stand out more than anything. When Rebecca was ten and we were seventeen and we took her to the pictures and it ended up raining so badly we got stuck somewhere. </p><p>The other memory is the day we moved in together - I remember that clearly now. It’s why I wanted the address, to go and see it. Maybe it might bring back more memories. </p><p>Anyway, Rebecca was happy and then very angry that I took so long to go and visit her. I, apparently, should have gone to her a lot sooner. But then she was happy again. And she didn’t mind that I couldn’t remember a lot, she couldn’t either. Her house is very cluttered but she had so many pictures! I got to take one album with me full of pictures from her life. I think that pictures became easier to take because she has a lot. We even took one together that she gave to me from the printer. She’s old now and she looks like my grandmother but she looks like herself. </p><p>I also meet her children and grandchildren. Did you know that she called her oldest son James? After me. I’m just glad they didn’t give him my weird middle name. It was weird at first, seeing as how I was the oldest one there but also one of the younger one. Then there was Grace who has two children called Winnie and Steve. Winnie was very kind to me and offered to teach me how to use a phone for social reasons and not just for missions. Steve, named after you, takes after you as well. He’s headstrong and as stubborn as a bull. </p><p>You probably know all this. I’m probably boring you. I guess I’m just excited that my sister got to live such a happy life. </p><p>She was also very sure that I was not in the wrong for everything that happened. You two sound similar in that way. </p><p>Speaking of, I saw your TV interview yesterday. I’m surprised you didn’t hit that man, I probably would have. He was asking such stupid questions. From what I remember you were very hot headed as a child, I guess that’s changed. Although you are still hot headed, like how you refused to kill me that time. I should probably be thankful that you didn’t but I don’t want you to get hurt. The man on the TV was very stupid, though. </p><p>Because of what you said in that interview, I’m assuming that we are not telling people I’m alive. That’s great. Although I have had some odd looks over the last few weeks. Maybe I need a haircut more than I know. </p><p>I plan on visiting Peggy sometime soon. I think I will go to Florida in the next week or two so I may stop off and see her. She’s a dynamite girl. Some of my memories from during the war are coming back and I can remember her. The two of you were so similar, it was funny for me to watch. You know, I’ve read that you two were dating but I can’t remember anything like that. Maybe it happened after I died but that’s very fast for a boy who never dated anyone beforehand. Was that mean? I thought it was funny. </p><p>I’ll have to break into Natasha’s house to prove her wrong then. She’s good, I’ll give her that, but I’m a lot older. Maybe I can leave her some of that chocolate as a little apology for breaking in. Or just a letter with one of those funny little pictures from the phones. You know the ones I’m talking about? Small pictures that go with the words. I like them a lot. Perhaps I’ll leave a smiling one in her kitchen. </p><p>Sam did need a new door and I’m glad he has it. It would be a shame if he died before I got to meet him. Or, meet him when I’m not actively pursuing him. Anyone who can put up with you is someone that I like. </p><p>You’re welcome for the chocolate. I have more. The hydra bunker had a lot of money and I didn’t have anything in my suitcase so I brought a lot of the chocolate. I’ve left some more in the fridge for you. I also made myself some coffee with your fancy machine. If you don’t mind I’d like to use your laundry. But I don’t know how. It was never mission-critical to know I guess. I was going to try and work it out but I don’t want to break your fancy washer. They are very different from what my mother had. </p><p>I’m sorry to cut this letter short but there is someone following me and I need to lead them to New Jersey so they leave me alone. I’ll be okay! </p><p>Leave me a letter. I’ll be in New York for at least another three days. Well, once I get back from New Jersey I’ll be here. </p><p>Forever and always, <br/>James.</p><p>Ps Captain America is a stupid name. Only good thing that came out of it was the touring suit.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James, </p><p>Hopefully luring the man to New Jersey was easy and you didn’t get hurt. I don’t know if you meant to imply that you were going to ‘get rid’ of him, but if that’s what happened I can’t be angry. If you need help, please ask me. But I’m glad you're back and reading this. Whenever that may be. </p><p>I can run through what we’ve figured out about you so far. It’s fairly basic information but it’s a start. After you fell from the train you were taken to a base not far from there, at this base they stabilized you and then moved you to a new base closer to Russia. Here they gave you your arm and started training. The details that we can find are murky but what we’ve found is that you would have sessions of brainwashing and then physical training. How these were conducted, we’re not sure. </p><p>Then, once you were trained, you were moved again. To Moscow where you started to work for Hydra. During the Soviet era, you were stationed in many of the different countries. I think you were moved while in cryo. After the Soviet Union crashed you were stationed in Moscow and lent out to other countries for short missions. You were forced to work missions for them until you were taken to America and the new-Hydra the same year I was found. I think that I was the reason for the change.  </p><p>Attached to this letter is a detailed list of all the missions you went on. Don’t read them if you don’t want to. But the option is there for you. I have only read the briefs on the cover page, partly because I want your permission before delving in and partly because it’s completely in Russian and my Russian isn’t the best.</p><p>Your three questions are easy to answer:</p><p>When did I steal coffee?: Lots of times, mainly when we ran out of money. The first time you did we were fifteen and you never stopped. We were banned from about three shops and one cafe because of it. A real nuisance but the bags you stole did last us a long time. I can’t lie. </p><p>Did I steal anything other than coffee?: Yes. We were poor. Anything we needed. Medicine, food, clothes, wood. All sorts.</p><p>Where did we live (I think we lived together, if not; where did I live?)?: We did live together, we moved in with each other after my mother died when we were nineteen. We lived in Red Hook, on the corner of Van Brunt and King street. The house is gone but the area is still the same. We grew up in Hells Kitchen, You lived on W47th and I lived on W45th. A house on W46 has been turned into a museum about me, both our buildings were pulled down in the eighties. Something about ‘unsafe structures’ and ‘poison paint’. At least they’re more careful about that kind of thing now. </p><p>You’re right, I do know all this about Rebecca but I love hearing it anyway. When I was first unfrozen she was one of the first people to contact me. She sent your namesake out to New York after the battle to find me. He knew our old code word from when we were kids, the one Becca would say if what she was about to say was a secret. Do you remember it? I hardly did when James 2 said it. I’m truly glad that you’ve gotten to see her again, and I am sure she’ll be happy if you go and see her again. </p><p>She called me last night and we talked, I asked after you (I hope that’s alright) and she explained that she had ‘a sister sense’ to not tell me. No hard feelings. She knew that you weren’t quite ready for that, we both get it. Steve 2 may take after me, but James 2 is almost an exact replica to you from when we were younger. Did they explain that they wanted the ‘2’ attached to their names? I promise that wasn’t my doing, apparently James 2 started doing it in middle school after a unit on the Howlies. </p><p>Ah, the TV interview. They are all over the internet, if you took Winnie up on the offer I’m sure you’ll be able to find them. Speaking of, if you want to switch to emails or texting, we can. </p><p>Anyway, the interview. It was embarrassing to be a part of. Did you see the part where he asked me about this whole ‘flat earth’ conspiracy theory? It was so uncomfortable to explain that I didn’t know what he was talking about. Nat and Sam gave me the rundown on conspiracies and the like, but even if I knew what the man was talking about I wouldn’t have known how to reply. Anyway, do you have an opinion on flat earth? I looked into it after all this and sometimes I think the internet was a mistake. </p><p>Sam’s very disappointed about all of this but he does want to meet you. Oddly for the same reason. Apparently being my friend is a challenge, who knew? Any ETA on that haircut? </p><p>If you do break into Nat’s house leave her some chocolate. It might make her less angry at me. Also, the small pictures are called emojis and every person I send them to agrees I use them wrong. I simply do not care.</p><p>Peggy has been asking after you. I’m going to DC tomorrow to visit her and deal with some more fallout after I destroyed SHIELD. There’s quite a lot to do, but I’ll make time to go and spend time with her. I always do. She forgets most days, thinks I’m her son who died two years ago, but I like seeing her. And on the days she remembers she likes seeing me as well. If you do go, don’t be surprised if she struggles, it’s not on you. </p><p>She, like myself and Becca, agree that you are not to blame for anything that happened. And those two ladies are the smartest people I know so I’m inclined to listen to them. </p><p>Yes, I am aware of the rumours that Peggy and I dated. Neither of us know where they came from, and no I didn’t date her. I did, however, date someone else during our childhood. But I’ll let you remember that one on your own. And no it wasn't mean, I found it quite funny as well. Besides, I’ve had years building up walls against your humour, as you me.</p><p>The washer is easy to use. Put the clothes in, add a scope of the power in the glass jar, close the lid, press the start button. It takes about half an hour. The dryer is the same but no powder. Feel free to use it. </p><p>I’m not going to say no to more of that chocolate. </p><p>Before I wrap this up I have to tell you about the other day. I was going for a jog, nothing too intense because I had stayed up far too late the night before ‘binging’ TV shows, and I was about twenty minutes in when a woman stopped me. I thought she was going to ask for a picture or help, but she just stared at me for a very long time before shaking her head, clicking her tongue and saying ‘spandex isn't a good look’ before walking away! I was shocked. First, my suit isn’t made of spandex. Secondly, I think I look fine. And third, who says that! </p><p>I’ll be leaving tomorrow afternoon and will be back in New York in seven days. Feel free to use the apartment for anything you want. I found another copy of Vera Lynn for the record player which we listened to while away. There’s no food in the house, I give it to my neighbour when I leave, but if you want to use the fridge or anything you can. </p><p>Forever and always, <br/>Steve</p><p>Ps. I changed the code back to 1917. Please stop changing it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve, </p><p>How was your DC trip? I saw pictures of you at the airport on a TV. Aren’t they strange? The TVs? I find them odd. Anyway, I saw the pictures of you and thought ‘oh that’s Steve!’ which was good, because the last time I saw a picture of you I struggled to remember for a moment. So I think I’m getting better. I found an article on memory loss and it said that it takes time to gain memories back, but that was about a car accident and not decades of systematic brainwashing and electrical tampering. We’ll have to wait and see I guess.</p><p>But how was the trip? Of course, as I write this you’re probably landing and not yet out of the plane. But when you read this the trip will be over. The joy of time. Did you see Peggy again? I am going to visit her soon. If she’s angry at me then I can deal with that, but I think I should try at the very least. And if she isn’t angry then it will be a fun trip. </p><p>You dated someone? For how long? There are no memories of that what so ever. Maybe you’re lying, trying to sound like a cool cat. If so, that’s embarrassing. Weird that people thought you and Peggy dated. Thinking about it is giving me a headache. Aspirin doesn’t work on me I’ve come to find. </p><p>Your job sounds very boring. Sorry that I made it worse but, you know, all of that. I hope it isn’t too bad, and that you take a break. You never used to take a break. It drove me crazy, I remember that well. You’d argue and say that I didn’t take a break either, which was true but I cared more about you than - </p><p>I’m forgetting something. It’s very frustrating, knowing that I’m forgetting and not being able to remember what I am forgetting. It could be my breakfast, it could be a core part of my personality and history. I just have to wait to find out. Not remembering anything was easier than this.</p><p>Don’t panic! I don’t want to go back to not remembering. I am happy with what happened and what’s happening. I guess I’m hopeful that it won’t be long until I no longer live with this perpetual state of confusion. Technology has not helped, but Youtube is amazing. </p><p>Speaking of, I went to a museum today. It was amazing. There was a part about the war - some memories came back because of it. I might go back. Have you seen what’s happened to science since we froze? I remember Stark’s flying car - I also have vague memories of killing him which are very upsetting, as all those kinds of memories are - but that’s almost nothing on what’s going on now! Once I get my haircut you’re going to introduce me to his son.</p><p>Scratch that. Stark second might be pissed at the fact that I killed his parents. Not that I can blame him. </p><p>Golly, I’m in a mood. This letter is awful. </p><p>Maybe I’ll just cut it off here. </p><p>Forever and always,<br/>James. </p><p>~</p><p>Steve, hi.</p><p>I’m writing a second letter because my last letter was stupid. I’ll leave it, for reasons I can’t quite grasp. If you don’t want to read it, don’t. My problems aren’t your problems. Anyway, this letter is being written three days after the first one. You’re still in DC so I guess it doesn't matter that much when this is being written. But maybe you will want to know. And now you do. </p><p>Do you like the pen I’m writing with? A little girl gave it to me, said the sparkly pink would ‘turn that frown upside down’. Little girls have always been smarter than most. </p><p>It is a very nice pen. There’s a pom-pom on top of it. I wonder what her mother thought of her giving it to me, she didn’t say anything about it. She hardly even looked at me funny, a lot of people look at me funny. Probably the metal arm and the whole ‘most wanted/deadliest assassin’ thing. That’s fair. But these two women didn’t seem to care about that as she gave me the pen. </p><p>I took it as a sign to get back here and write another letter. So here I am. </p><p>Regarding your last letter, I did read through all the missions. I remember some of them, the more recent ones are easier to recall. The Americans weren’t as strict on wiping as the Soviets. My introduction, if you want to call it that, to this life makes sense. I remember nothing from that time. The last thing I can remember before being captured is the night before. It's vague and patchy but we were together in a tent. I don’t know what we were talking about or what we did but </p><p>~</p><p>Steve, </p><p>It is the next day and I still have my pink pen. My last letter was cut off. I’d like to have some excuse but in reality, I had the worst feeling in my stomach and just left. Something felt incredibly wrong as I was trying to remember that night. So I left and then decided to not think about it anymore! Got some yoghurt, slept and then came back here. </p><p>My mind is all over the place. Which doesn’t make for a very good pen pal. Sorry about that.</p><p>Moving on. I’m going to go back to our old housing today. It’s been something I’ve been meaning to do since I got your letter but I keep putting it off. Which is stupid. Anyone who was there when we were is dead or dying. Fuck, that’s shitty. At least we have each other now. We’re not as alone anymore. </p><p>Let’s try to keep this letter lighter. Rebecca is awesome, I have been emailing with her ever since I left. She’s extremely funny and doesn’t pull her punches. I used to rag on her but even when we were young I knew she was a great sister. Not much has changed with her over the years. I’m glad she didn’t tell you anything, which sounds mean but I don’t mean it to be. I’m working through it. Yes, the seconds did explain that to me, and I think it’s wonderful. </p><p>Winnie did explain it to me and I am getting the hang of it. I, however, do not want to stop letters. I enjoy it a lot more. It reminds me of old times and writing to you. Notes in class, letters that we’d slip under each other's front doors and the letters I would send when I was away. </p><p>Only downside is no emojis.  </p><p>Flat earthers are something else. I do enjoy all the conspiracy theories about me (they span decades). The internet is a helping hand for stupidity but plenty of people thought some crazy things when we were kids. Remember Mr Jones? He used to tell me that I had a demon in me. Don’t remember why though. Maybe it was because I stole so much. I can’t say that I’ve stopped now - but only from bad people. Like Hydra and this guy who was following a lady. </p><p>Steve, I have said this for nearly a hundred years. Being your friend is the hardest job one can have. Most rewarding though. Sam had no idea what he was getting himself into. The image that people have created for you since the war is crazy. Are they aware you committed several felonies as well as disobeying direct orders the first time you went to the front? </p><p>You, Steve Rogers, as America’s Golden Boy is a concept I never thought I’d see. Yet here we are. </p><p>Please tell Sam, and Nat, that I look forward to meeting with them. I have to congratulate the both of them. And tell Nat that there’s a chocolate bar in her fridge. If I could I would put an emoji here, perhaps one of the winking ones.</p><p>Also, tell that lady that spandex is absolutely a good look on you. She’s a fool. </p><p>Oh! I’m going to go because you just pulled up outside your apartment complex. And my hair is nowhere near presentable yet. There’s no ETA on that one. Sorry. I hope your trip was good and that you’re happy. There’s some more chocolate in the fridge for you. </p><p>Really should be going. </p><p>Forever and always, <br/>James.</p><p>Ps. No. Code’s been changed again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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